


keys clicking and a metronome ticking

by unofficialpoltergeist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blackrom, Caliginous, College AU, EriSol - Freeform, Gay, Humanstuck, I dont really know, Late night thoughts, M/M, are these even tags?, but erisol so its k?, confused???, definite banging actually, how does one tag?, im sorry im trash, kinda sad cause no horns, no regrets, not really - Freeform, ok some regrets, probable banging, probably idk which quad actually, probably kismesis, um
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-03-02 08:06:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2805512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unofficialpoltergeist/pseuds/unofficialpoltergeist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>pretty basic humanstuck college au, in which two opposites room together. a dancer and a computer geek make quite the combination.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Roommates?

**Author's Note:**

> spawned off late-night ideas. I don't really know.

{s}

I double-checked the folded piece of paper I gripped in one sweaty palm. _This better be the right place,_ I thought, _or I might die of embarrassment._ I pushed over the stark white door into an equally stark white room. It was perfectly symmetrical, a twin bed on either side, a bookshelf on either side, and desks too. A window split the room perfectly down the middle, lining up with the door I was currently standing in the frame of. On one side, there sat a boy. _A man, really, we're in college, I should stop saying boy._ Anyway, he turned to face me. His face was taken up by a pair of thick-framed hipster glasses that shielded narrowed eyes, adorned with purple eyeliner on the lower line. His cheekbones were sharp and angular, giving his long-ish face a criminal appearance. In a totally hot-- I mean, great way. His hair was styled with a purple tuft that matched the purple liner. He had a blue-ish striped scarf draped around his neck and otherwise a plain black shirt and blue pants. He gave me a kind of hopeful, kind of nervous look.  
"Um, Eridan Ampora?" I asked. _Watch this be the wrong guy._  
"Yeah, that would be me," he replied, expression settling into hopeful now. "And you?"  
"Your roommate I guess. Name's Sollux Captor." I winced at the sound of my own _awful_ lisp and shut the door behind me and accepted the hand he held out. _Who shakes hands? Then again, who wears eyeliner and scarves?_ I decided not to question this guy too much.  
I tossed my two bags on the bed, one red and one blue. I heard Eridan snickering. "What?"  
"Looks like those are your favorite colors." I looked at the two bags, then up my one-red one-blue sleeves, then thought about my big ass one-red one-blue earrings, and of course my one-red one-blue two eyebrow piercings, both above my left eye. I laughed. "You have no idea."  
I started to unpack the bags I had before remembering that I had more coming, and instead settled on settling in my laptop and the shit that mattered. Eridan turned back to his laptop, doing whatever he was doing before. 

"Sollux, right?" Eridan said, after a good 15 minutes of silence.  
"Yeah, that's my name," I replied, keeping myself busy by unraveling a cord.  
His purple chair swiveled around. All he needed was a cape and a cat and he'd make the perfect villain. "Just wonderin', do you think I'm gay?"  
I felt myself flush a little. _What the hell kinda question is that?!_ "Ye-no, yeah, I mean-- are you not?"  
Eridan laughed. Like, almost a full-on cackle. "No, no, I am, I am, I was just wonderin' if you picked it up or not."  
"What about me?" I raised an eyebrow, and we held each other's gaze for a little bit as he pondered this. Finally, he cracked the case of my sexuality.  
"No, I say no. You're at least partially straight."  
"Partially."  
"I was right?"  
"Yep."  
He fist-pumped the air, obviously proud of himself for winning this episode of Guess The Captor's Sexuality. "Knew it."  
I scoffed and continued idly toying with the wires in my hands. As if I was actually gonna use this time to unpack. 

"You got your schedule, right?" my roommate asked, scribbling on a piece of notebook paper.  
"Yeah, of course. You?" I looked back up from untangling cords.  
He finished scribbling and handed the paper to me. The loopy, half-cursive was hardly legible. I scrunched my nose and read through the list of classes he had copied from his online schedule.  
"Wow, you're kind of a big nerd," I laughed a little. Like, eighteen science classes.  
"I was wonderin' if we had any classes together, dipshit," he replied, standing up and looking over my shoulder at the schedules. "Lunch, other than that, our separate nerd paths don't cross." I offered the scrap of paper back to him with my own schedule.  
"Cool, you'll get to meet my friend, Feferi. She's a real sweetheart."  
"Alright, cool."  
"That's a lot of computer classes," he murmured as he looked over the sheet.  
"What can I say; I have a hobby. Speaking of, where are you going to be at about 5-7:30 ish on weeknights?" I asked. Those were the nights I had work, which meant I had to deal with people's stupid issues. I need a better job.  
"At dance practice." Eridan sat back in his spinny chair, not turning back to the computer yet.  
"I have work those nights, so if you're back can you please be a little bit quiet?"  
"Sure. Who do you work for?"  
"Tech support for Google. Just part time, hardly a job." he nodded, and returned to his laptop. I sighed and collapsed on my bed, the springs complaining loudly. I pulled my phone from my pocket and held it above my face so I could read, and pulled up messages. 

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] at 12:38

TA: hey aa

AA: hell0

TA: ii met my roommate gue22 what

AA: what?  
AA: is he weird  
AA: druggie  
AA: nature freak  
AA: cm0n s0llux weve been planning f0r the ap0calypse h0w weird can he be

TA: he2 very gay  
TA: but ii thiink he2 an alriight guy maybe. two early two tell. dancer. ii thiink he miight be an a22hole.  
TA: very hiigh chance of hiim beiing an a22hole.  
TA: iill update you twomorrow, k?

AA: s0unds like y0u guys w0uld get al0ng then  
AA: g00d luck with y0ur new pal s0llux ill text y0u later

  


twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA] at 12:52

I dropped my phone on the bed beside me, yawning. _damn, was I hungry._  
"You know any good places to eat around here?" I asked, tilting my head to look at Eridan.   
"Why the hell would I know? I moved in yesterday," he retorted without turning.   
_Asshole confirmed._ "I dunno, I was just wondering, dick. I'm sure there's a McDonald's around here somewhere, if you're hungry."   
He shrugged, tipping the lid of his laptop down and turned around. "What better way to start college." 

"Who's driving?" I asked as we reached the lot, feeling my pocket for the familiar jingle.  
"It's not gonna be my car that ends up smellin' like the Niagara Falls of grease."   
_What a dick._   
I found my humble piece of shit and climbed in the driver's side, unlocking the door for Eridan to get in shotgun. He did, unhappily, might I add. I thought he might blow up just from touching my unwashed car's handle, but he made it in and buckled up, nose crinkled in disgust.   
I took a second to sort through and find my aux cord, then a little longer before I got some music playing through the ratty speakers. My music taste was, for the most part, garbage; it ranged from twenty one pilots to remixes of video game music, and some normal video game music.   
Eridan was _very_ obviously displeased with my music.   
"Relax, it's a short drive. Probably." 

I drove kind of aimlessly, because I didn't really know where anything was. I think Eridan was considering jumping out of the moving car. Kind of a prick, really. The ride finally ended and he sprung out of the car, like he had been waiting for that moment for ten lifetimes. I calmly shut off my car and locked it, following the impatient son-of-a-bitch into the fast food place. I ordered two cheeseburgers because cheeseburgers are the bomb dot fuckin' com, but Eridan took like twenty minutes trying to figure out what to get, and then how to get it. I went ahead and got my burgers and took a seat in one of the worn red booths and waited.  
"Damn, this place takes forever," he sighed, collapsing in the vinyl across from me.  
"I think that might be operator error," I snickered a little.   
"What?"  
"Hm? Nothing."  
Oh, shut it." He rolled his eyes and I held back another snicker at him and dug into my perfect burgers. _shit, these are so good._ I finished the first burger and moved to the next one. I may not believe in Heaven, but McDonald's was a gamechanger.   
"You really like your burgers," he commented, watching me. I shrugged in reply.  
"Who doesn't."  
"Me."  
"Oh, shut up."  
"You asked."  
"I don't think we can be friends if you don't like burgers."  
"I'm still not sure we could be friends because of the awful lisp."   
"Wwhat do you mean?" I did my best to mock that weird sound his voice carried, and the expressions he made. Possibly a little bit exaggerated.   
"I'm thayin' that you're thtupid with an obnoxiouth lithp." he smirked. _Bitch._   
"Oh, are we playing this game now?" I raised an eyebrow. Mocking was a specialty of mine.   
"You started it."   
I have to say, he was good to bicker with. Definitely an asshole, but one with a good smile, and a rather hot smirk.   
He was fixable. 

We headed out after a few minutes and a good argument, and I was walking to the driver's seat when I felt a hand touch my ass. I made a strangely high pitched squeak that I _really_ hope no one heard, and blushed to the tip of my ears.   
"Are you going to open this door or leave me here all day?" Eridan asked, leaning against the door with a mischievous glint in his eyes that made me very nervous and more flustered than I'm willing to admit.  
"Haven't decided yet."   
I popped my own door open and got in, then unlocked his. Once my phone was plugged in and my music was going, the ride back to campus began, as well as my plot for revenge. 


	2. First Day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first day of school hell yes.  
> lovin it.

{s}

First day of school. Yay. The most wonderful day of the year, meeting new people and new teachers and learning all new ways to be made fun of. This was all sarcasm, by the way; the first day of school is the day that hides under beds and in closets and scares the shit out of children. It is spawned directly from Satan himself, and sent in the form of a letter to the government, who said _Why don't we have school? Let's make this a thing, with a first day and everything._ And thus, the education system we have today was born.

It wasn't easy deciding what to wear, but I finally figured out the perfect outfit: a black shirt with the yellow Gemini symbol on it, grey jeans, and mismatching shoes. This may or may not be the outfit I wore every day, but I was going to wear it anyways. I'll have plenty of time to correct my fashion errors in the future while I pretend college never existed.  
"Morning, Sol, wha time did ya get up?" I heard Eridan ask drearily behind me.  
I turned around to look at him and said in the most serious voice I could muster: "I don't sleep."  
He just kind of nodded, with a full head of wild, black-purple hair, and shoved his face back into the pillow, with a muffled, "alright." I was probably going to have to answer some questions about that, but whatever. I went into our level's bathroom, which was awful. Who thought it was a good idea to let a whole _level_ of boys share _one_ bathroom? Probably Satan. He wrote it in the letter to the government, I'm sure. The bathroom wasn't even that big, it had three stalls and three urinals and six sinks and six showers, that were only separated by curtains. I don't know how many people are on this level, but I don't think six is a good guess. The first thing I was doing in my shared room was buying a mirror so I could do all my shit in there. Except actually shit. I'm absolutely positive Eridan will have no qualms with that. But, it was about four in the morning, so the bathroom wasn't exactly packed. Perks Of Being an Insomniac, a new novel written by me.  
The room was spotless from all the summer cleaning. I went to one of the sinks and paused, caught in my reflection. _bleh. Time to make myself not look too much like a freak, or maybe more of one in a different way._ I yanked the small contacts case from my bag and did all the dumb ass stuff to put them in, like hold open my eyelid in this funky way and then blink precisely forty-two times, not one more. I looked actually like a normal teenager now. Wow. Time to fix that shit.  
I fixed my hair up into my two brilliant spikes, one on either side, and called it quits. The good thing about piercings is that I don't have to worry about them in the mornings, and they give me a pretty sick punk-rock image. Hell yeah. The only good thing about my heterochromatic eyes is that when I used to go to a lot of concerts, people would think I was wearing contacts to _fake_ a red eye and a blue eye. But it was the other way around; I wore contacts to _hide_ my weird ass eyes. I'm done thinking about my eyes now. They're dumb.  
I returned to my dorm room and threw myself on the bed. Perks Of Being an Insomniac has come to a close, because being completely ready three hours before school even began was not a perk. It was shitty and dumb. I sat at my desk and opened my laptop, deciding which website would be best to hack. During high school, I would always hack the school site, but that got boring. It was a cakewalk to hack that piece of junk, I figured out the trick freshman year, and it just felt wrong to do it to the college website. For now at least. Other websites weren't as fun to fuck with because they didn't cause a fuss, like the school did. The school would put it on the announcements, interview each student, wrongly accuse, basically throw a fit, but they never suspected the quiet kid who got all As. Nope, I was never caught, or even considered guilty, despite the several computer classes I was taking during and after school. Idiots.  
Even thinking about hacking made me nostalgic. Good times, just me hacking the school website with Aradia. She never really approved, but I know she loved helping because of the 'adventure' of it. It's kind of thrilling, I guess. She loved it, and that worked for me. I wonder if Eridan was down with rooming with a hacker. Maybe he could be my new assistant. Ha, as if. I chuckled slightly out loud at my own thoughts. Wow, I'm an idiot. No way Eridan was the type to help me, or replace Aradia.  
Actually, no one can replace Aradia, but if someone's going to fill her position it would _not_ be Eridan. I've seen the way he runs his computer, mindlessly installing updates. He doesn't even pay attention to what garbage he's stuffing in his laptop. Plus, I still have him as an environmentalist with a stick up his ass, I doubt he'd aid me in hacking websites. I was on my own.  
Obviously not, because I just got a notification from Trollian. 

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] at 4:48 

AA: s0llux i kn0w y0ure awake  
AA: y0u always are 

TA: yeah ii am  
TA: but why are you  
TA: you 2hould be 2leepiing iit2 5 am dont you have 2chool two 

AA: adventure  
AA: ive been r0aming this campus f0r ab0ut an h0ur n0w  
AA: its rather extensive really with a c00l fr0g statue  
AA: that was my fav0rite s0 far

TA: iit2 the fiir2t day of 2chool aa  
TA: go two 2leep you need your re2t  
TA: 2eriio2ly 

AA: y0ure awake t00 y0u kn0w  
AA: y0u cant tell me t0 sleep when y0ure awake  
AA: its n0t fair stupid 

TA: iim not 2tupiid youre 2tupiid by beiing awake  
TA: dummy go two bed 

AA: i w0nt g0 to sleep y0u g0 t0 sleep 

TA: you go two 2leep

AA: y0u g0 t0 sleep

TA: you go two 2leep

AA: y0u g0 t0 sleep

TA: you go two 2leep

AA: y0u g0 t0 sleep

TA: you go two 2leep

AA: y0u g0 t0 sleep

TA: maybe iill ju2t 2top textiing you  
TA: youll never know iif iim awake or not  
TA: youll have two 2leep cau2e youll have no one two talk two 

AA: alright then maybe i w0nt resp0nd either and just keep expl0ring  
AA: "g00dnight s0llux"

TA: go two 2leep aa or 2o help me ii wiill hack thii2 2iite and acce22 your camera 

AA: n0 s0llux y0u w0uldnt

TA: ii wouldnt?  
TA: ii2 that a challenge?  
TA: ii dont fiind iit wii2e two te2t me, aa.  
TA: you know ii know how to hack thii2  
TA: the only que2tiion ii2  
TA: wiill ii? 

AA: 0h my g0d y0u can be such a drama queen  
AA: fine ill g0 t0 bed 0k  
AA: and y0ull be left al0ne with y0ur sleeping r00mmate AA: have a ball 

TA: fiine ii wont hack anythiing  
TA: yet  
TA: ii ju2t dont want two bee alone, that2 the only rea2on.  
TA: iit2 weiird beiing iin here wiith a 2leepiing per2on and ii dont want to feel creepy and that2 iit.  
TA: you really 2hould be 2leepiing. 

I talked to Aradia for a long time. She wanted to know all about my 'new friend' and how I liked college. I told her it was the first damn day, how am I supposed to know? But she just laughed and talked about other things, mainly Eridan. He seemed to intrigue her a lot, especially when I told her how we were going to eat lunch together. I guess she was just surprised I actually didn't hate him, yet at least. At 7, there was a shrill beeping behind me. I yelped and turned around to see Eridan fiddling with his phone until the wretched sound stopped.  
"Jesus Christ, Ed, turn that thing down," I said, putting a hand on my racing heart. "That's going to wake the campus, numb nuts."  
"It is not, its just an alarm, shut up," he murmured, taking the sheets with him as he fell out of bed. I watched hum stumble to his feet, throw the blankets into a heap on the bed, pressing a palm to his forehead. His hair stuck an easy foot into the air, black twisted together with purple in the front. He didn't bother to put on his glasses, instead he snatched them off his desk and staggered out, leaving the door open in his wake.  
I decided to wait for him to get back before going to get breakfast. It took him about 25 minutes to return, with his hair gelled up, face washed, eyeliner on, but still in his striped pajamas.  
"That bathroom is a bloody wreck," he groaned, fishing around his drawers for whatever clothes he planned to wear. "What time did you wake up? I had the strangest dream, you had, like, different colored eyes, and you were all like, 'I don't sleep'," he mimicked a weird version of my voice and stood up, clothes in hand. "It was weird."  
 _haha yeah weird not true or anything haha!!_ "That is weird."  
"Yeah, really." he pulled his shirt off. I was right; he was hella well built. It was hard not to appreciate it, honestly. His torso was long and pale, flowing into tight abs. Every line was dark, like he was drawn with charcoal, and he had the best V-lines I had ever seen, hands down. My only guess was that it was from dancing, because shit, he was ripped. I realized that I probably shouldn't stare at my shirtless roommate, and quickly turned back to my computer and busied myself with some useless shit. I heard the rustling of fabric a bit more, than he half laughed and said, "It's all right now, you can look."  
I felt my face grew a bit warm. "I wasn't turned around because, I mean, it's okay if you, shit, it wasn't, fuck, let's just go get breakfast."  
He shook his head kinda, with a bit of a smile. A bit. "Alright, whatever."

The mini cafe was packed with students from the dorm. Immediately, the first thing to jump in my head was Nirvana's _Smells Like Teen Spirit_ , because shit did it smell like the first day of school. The scent of fresh ink on paper and in pens fused with caffeine, creating the definition of the beginning of the school year. The line wasn't all that long, because a lot of kids were just killing time or eating. I got a half and half, and Eridan took some hipster drink I couldn't remember the name of if my life depended on it. We stood outside, leaning against the wall because the benches were slick with dew, and drank our coffee. Because the college is just outside of Duluth, Minnesota, we could see our breath in tiny puffs outside of faces. The coffees in our hands stirred up small storm clouds in the chilly air. This was quite a difference from New York, where I used to live. It got chilly, but not in god damn August like in god damn Minnesota. Eridan basically snuggled into his scarf, pulling it up so it rested beneath his nose. "Christ, its cold as fuck out here. Idiotic people who've lived on land their whole lives are the reason that-"  
"What are you even saying?" I asked, interrupting his mumbling. I caught most of it, but the scarf screened out some things.  
"I said that it was fucking cold as fuck and it was not like this in Florida probably because we were so close to the lovely ocean ohmycod these people probably don't even know the beauty of the sea what the fuck stupid people in dumb landlocked states," he said, all in one breath before yanking his scarf back up. I laughed.  
"You know, I don't think it's physically possible to have every state touch the ocean," I replied, sipping my coffee.  
"Well, can all states at least keep their temperatures above 85 degrees?" he grumbled, emerging like a turtle from its shell to drink from the warmth in his cup.  
"Then you wouldn't be able to wear that dumb ass scarf." I tugged at the end of it, causing him to roll his eyes.  
"The scarf stays on."  
"You are so dumb." I downed the last sip of my coffee. "And you take forever to drink."  
"Hey, I'm done at the same time as you, brine sucker!" he retorted, chasing me back inside.  
"Brine sucker? Is that even an insult?" _seriously, what is with the fish puns?_ I started upstairs to gather my school bag, with fifteen minutes til the bell. Which meant fifteen minutes to find my class. Which also meant fifteen minutes to get lost as fuck.  
"Yes it is an insult. I think. Maybe. But c'mon, Sol, why are you walking so fast?" he whined, going up the stairs after me. Whereas I clomped very ungracefully, his steps hardly made a sound, walking somehow elegantly. Like a princess.  
"Because I need to find my class and not get lost," I answered, arriving at our third story dorm level. The hallways were bustling with kids I don't really think belonged on this level but were here anyway. I pressed through, arriving at our door and tossing it open.  
"What time even is it? We have like half an hour." he started putting his junk into a black messenger bag with the Aquarius symbol on it.  
"Fifteen minutes," I corrected, packing up my dumb striped JanSport back pack. It was my older brother's, who decided he wanted to look like a bumblebee and got a black and yellow striped bag, which was then handed down to me. Awesome. I slung one strap on and left, Eridan following closely.  
We reemerged outside, greeted by the great 'summer' breeze. My first class said Lab A4, so that must be one of the computer labs. Duh. I arrived in record time, grinning at how easy it was to find. What confused me mainly was why Eridan was still tailing me.  
"Dude, what are you still doing here?" I asked, standing at the door. He widened his eyes.  
"I don't know, I just didn't want to go to class." god damn this kid, pulling puppy dog eyes.  
"I'll see you in like three hours during fifth period break, alright? Just meet me outside our dorm and we'll find somewhere to go."  
"Oh yeah, alright. I'll see you then, Sol." he turned and walked off, scarf blowing off his shoulder. Quite an interesting roommate. 

I sat down in one of the middle rows, against the wall. It was a good spot, not in the back like I didn't care, but not in the front like I cared too much. Perfect.  
The teacher strolled in, taking a seat at his desk in the front of the room. He seemed to ignore my presence for a second, then he looked up at me. "And you are?"  
"Oh, uh, Captor, sir. Sollux." I forgot my name there. Genius. He nodded and checked over a list, then nodded again.  
"Alright, you're in the right spot Oh Uh Captor Sollux," he teased, smiling at his own joke. So he was _this_ kind of teacher. I kind of half smiled back, not really finding his joke too damn hilarious, if I must admit.  
It remained silent for a bit, and I mentally cursed myself for coming early. But, like a storm, the whole class came barreling in, talking, giggling, drinking and smelling like coffee. The seats filled up quickly, leaving one seat open next to me. Hell yeah. I have the wall to my left and no one to my right. Every class should be like this.  
The teacher droned on and on about the class rules and shit and this or that and so help him if he sees a speck of food he will throw the owner right out of this class do we understand? Crap, crap, crap, no one cares, crap. I had the funny feeling that it'd be like this in every class. 

That funny feeling was 100% correct, my next few classes were regurgitating the same thing, with small exceptions like food is allowed. It was grossly boring, I mean this is college, shouldn't we actually be doing college stuff? Blah, blah, syllabus, blah, no tolerance. blah, I know how you youngsters work, blah fucking blah. This was dumb.  
Finally, after more or less a year, lunch came around. I followed the mad rush until it diverged, some people going to god knows where and other people going to god knows where else. I made a turn towards my dorm, where I saw a familiar gay ass blue scarf. Eridan was resting against the wall, gabbing with some girl. She was at least two heads shorter than he, and a little chubby, and had very long, voluminous black hair that was in thick curls. She was wearing a pair of bold pink glasses, a pink long sleeve shirt and jeans that had one leg pastel blue and the other green. Wherever these two come from, it's a place with very colorful fashion trends. But this girl was adorable, not in the I-wanna-bang-you way but in the omg-I-want-to-cuddle-with-you way. Not that I ever felt that way. I'm way too manly, of course. I walked up from behind, putting finger against my lips to silence who I could only imagine was Feferi, and yanked off Eridan's scarf. She burst into giggles as Eridan's jaw dropped and he swiveled around, hands insecurely rushing to his neck. "Jesus Christ, Sol!"  
I laughed, gripping the scarf. "Ah, hello there ED. How was you day?"  
"Oh, you asshole, just give me my scarf." I relinquished said article. "Anyway, Feferi, this is Sol, my roommate."  
"Hello! Oh my, you are just as cute as he said you were!" she squealed, jumping up to hug me. My cheeks heated up immediately. _...as he said I was?_  
"FEFERI!" Eridan demanded, turning a bright red. "I- no, I didn't, she's just, oh my cod."  
She released her arms and dropped back into her spot, not saying a word, but grinning. I kind of chuckled, too, as Eridan stumbled to excuse Feferi about how he in fact did not say I was cute or anything of the sort. I shrugged. "Well you wouldn't be lying if you did."  
"But, I didn't!" he was trying, he really was, but even his ears were red.  
"Give it up, Eridan. You think he's cute." Feferi put her hands on her hips and stared at him, brown eyes big through her goggles. "Don't you?"  
"It's not a matter of whether or not I find him attractive, it's a matter of if I spoke it aloud or not." he said stubbornly, adding, "Which I didn't."  
"Oh, fishpaste, but let's go grab lunch," Feferi replied, sticking out her tongue. Eridan stuck his out back.  
How was I going to survive this lunch?

After cruising around for like half an hour, Eridan finally agreed to getting some Chick-Fil-A from the drive thru. I, of course, got some cheeseburgers. Cheeseburgers are fucking great, and that's final. Feferi got fish sticks, which I didn't even know were on the menu, and Eridan stuck with his dumb salad because he himself is dumb. We parked and decided to eat in the car. Well, Fef and I did, but it was majority vote.  
"So, are you guys siblings, or?" I asked. It was killing me, they acted so alike, so in sync with each other. But ED shook his head kind of vigorously.  
"No, no no, just friends," Feferi said cheerfully. I nodded. They must be really close. "We're practically siblings, we grew up so close together!"  
Immediately, I could tell Eridan either at one point or did have the hots for her. When she said, this he looked kind of down, but picked himself right back up. Talk about getting slammed in the friendzone. Poor guy.  
Feferi was really cool. She kind of reminded me of Aradia, but more passionate and hyped up. She felt like my little sister, and I have no idea why, I just automatically felt protective over her. Like if a guy should even consider dating her he'll have to go through me. Which didn't really make sense, but it was how I felt about her. She was just so _innocent_ , it made you wanna protect her and keep her safe all the time. I don't know.  
Lunch ended too soon, and we were back to the dumb ass classes. if college doesn't pick up tomorrow, I don't really know what I'll do but it'll be something bad. Or not. Probably just me frowning with my arms crossed. Okay, so that's exactly what it'll be, but I'm off track.  
The rest of the day was exactly how I pictured: boring and dumb. I finally got back to my dorm room, exhausted. Eridan was doing homework I guess at his desk, so I just collapsed on my bed and started texting. No way was I dealing with signing all that trash yet. 

Aradia said that her college day was the same. Who thought it would be a good idea to stick two adventure-loving kids in these boring ass colleges, she wanted to know. And I said I had no idea, probably Satan. She agreed with that. After that, she said she had homework to do and I said fuck that shit. I actually said 'me too, text you later,' but I think my paraphrasing wasn't too off.  
"Alright, later Sol, goin' to dance," Eridan called from the doorway. I murmured back an okay and checked the time. **4:52 PM** , great,

time for fucking work. Ugh, why is my life so draining?  
I moved to my laptop and put the little headset thing on so I could hear all the dumb asses. The first one was confused about apparently a file that had appeared in his GoogleDocs that didn't belong. I told him that it was probably from someone who has access to his computer, and it was nothing to freak out about. I asked for the code's name, and when he said it, I recognized it as a file of my own invention. Years and years ago, I made a file that would wipe everything off the computer, and I mean everything. All the software, hardware functions, pictures, files, you name it, it was gone. I sent it to one person forever ago as a joke, and now it has wound up here, with this angry man yelling at me.  
"HOW THE FUCK DID IT GET HERE? I'M GOING TO OPEN IT. FUCK IT."  
"No sir! Do NOT open that file, you will regret it!" I tried to warn him, I did, but the fucker opened the file.  
"WHERE IS EVERYTHING?" he screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? WHY WON'T MY COMPUTER WORK?" I had to hold it away from my ear to avoid going deaf.  
"Jesus Christ, sir, please calm down, you just wiped your computer," I attempted to calm him down, but this dude was wound up.  
"OH, I _JUST_ WIPED MY COMPUTER? HAHA, THANK GOD, I THOUGHT I HAD DONE SOMETHING WORSE! FUCKING SARCASM, THIS IS THE WORST CASE SCENARIO."  
Oh, shit, this is awful. I did my best to calm him, but it ended with him, thankfully, ending the call at one point. I hate my job.

I was about pulling my hair out when Eridan got back, obviously from a shower, because his hair was limp and he was make-up-less. I checked the time, and sure enough, my shift was over bitches. I finished the call I had and threw my head back. "This job fucking sucks."  
"I'm sure. I couldn't deal with people like that." he tossed his stuff down and followed it, plopping onto the bed. "I'm tired as shit."  
"Yeah, me too. I should probably go shower too." I slid off the headset and shut my laptop, getting up and stretching. "I hate sharing a bathroom. I don't want to."  
"It's not too bad. I'm alright with it," he said, muffled from a face full of bag.  
"Dude, you probably enjoy it." I poked his foot.  
"Meh. I'd much prefer showering with you," he rolled over and poked my stomach back with his foot. "Heh."  
"You're an idiot. I'm going to shower." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this was so long omg  
> anyway, it was fairly gay. hope you enjoyed. smut will probably come in later chapters.


	3. Meet and Greet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meeting new people is always fun.  
> except if you're antisocial, have an awful lisp, and would prefer to be on your computer.  
> if thats you, meeting new people sucks.

{s}

Good morning, world. Still dark outside? Probably because it was four in the morning, and I was awake again. You know, I really should take pills or something. but today, I was going to explore.  
Just kidding, I leave that shit to Aradia. I was just going to walk around, check some things out, leave a ketchup packet beneath the toilet rim, the usual. I was walking down the hallway, wearing my dumb bee pajama pants, a stretched out yellow shirt, and my tinted glasses, and trying to figure out if there were any secret hatches in the hallway when I was rudely interrupted by a short angry dude storming out of his room.  
"No, Tavros, I'm not staying in there with you and your fucking clown boyfriend, it's fucking WEIRD!" he yelled into the room, slamming the door behind him. He almost ran full on into me in his rage, carrying a pillow in one hand. He had on a normal pair of grey plaid pajama pants and a black long sleeve shirt, unlike my dumb bee ones. Why was I even wearing bee pajamas? Stupid Mituna and his dumb hand me downs. But I'm getting off track.  
The dude stormed right in front of me, luckily I stopped in time. "What the hell are you doing awake?" he demanded.  
 _no way. I know that voice._ "Why are you even wearing tinted glasses? We're inside, numbnuts."  
 _he was the dude who got his computer wiped._ My mouth fell open slightly at the shock.  
"Um, well, I, uh," I stuttered, my brain trying desperately to forge a sentence that made sense. "I was just walking."  
"It's four in the fucking morning, what the actual fuck?" he glared at me. His hair was wild, sticking out in too many places to count, and his eyes were lined with dark like he wore constant eyeliner.  
"I, er, don't really know," I answered. I needed an out. Something needed to happen to get him not to remember me. I _prayed_ for something to happen.  
"Wait, have I ever met you before?" he stopped yelling and squinted at me. "I think I know your voice."  
"What? No, ha ha, what?"  
"No, I do, are you from my school?"  
"I promise, we've never met," I assured him, starting to walk away.  
"Hey, bee boy, wait up, I fucking know you," he grabbed my shoulder. "Oh, my god."  
I winced. "You're the tech guy!"  
 _oh, fuck._  
"You're the fucking Google tech support! You ASSHOLE! YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! My computer was WIPED CLEAN!" he yelled, glaring at me. _fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck please I need an interruption, fuck._  
He continued to gripe at me; I had obviously caught him in a bad mood. Although I doubted he had a 'good' mood. There was no point in arguing back, so I let him scream, admitting defeat. I tuned him out after he stopped wailing about his computer and moved to other topics, as if it was my fault his roommate wanted to bang his boyfriend in their shared room. Someone must've overheard, because a very pissed looking teacher came marching down the hall, nabbing the yelly kid by his ear, making him drop his pillow, and taking my arm. He yanked us into his office and basically threw the complaining kid into a chair and dumped me in the other. He sat down, rubbing his forehead. He had on a bright red sweater, and sat up scowling.  
"Karkat, you should know better. Do you realize how triggering the things you were saying could be? How much foul language you used? It is the morning of the fifth day of school. It is very rude and inconsiderate to be using that tone of voice, especially with the content you were saying. I really don't want you to be punished so early, but I can't show favoritism. It could offend other students. Now,-"  
"Come on, Kankri, i woke up like one fucking person. This kid was already awake! And you don't even understand, he-"  
"I understand perfectly, as does the whole dormitory level. The things they heard could offend them, and we wouldn't know because they are shy to interrupt. You, what is your name?"  
I wasn't paying attention at all, I was trying to determine the relationship between the two. _Their names were similar, maybe siblings?_ "Oh, me?"  
"Yes."  
"I'm, er, Sollux Captor," I stuttered, again forgetting my own name. Kankri, I think, widened his eyes slightly, nodding.  
"Are you at all related to Mituna?" _oh god no, no._  
"Yeah, he's my older brother," I sighed. Of course it's one of Mituna's friends.  
"I see the love for bees is in the family," he added, surveying my pajama pants. I cringed.  
"I guess you could say that."  
"Well, I am going to have to report you both. Follow me." he stood up from his desk, opening the office door and letting us out. Katkar or whatever the fuck is name was folded his arms, groaning.  
"Come on, Kankri," he groaned, folding his arms and following red sweater. I tucked my hands into my pockets, regretting everything I've ever done in my life. Great.

We were led down to the first floor where there was another office. Kankri sighed and rapped on the door, telling us to sit on the floor just outside if that's okay with us both. We collapsed, back to the wall, grumbling. _God damn it, I haven't even done anything wrong yet. I'm going to miss first period, and get expelled or some shit._  
"So, your name's Sollux?" he asked.  
"Yeah. Yours?"  
"Karkat Vantas." he rolled his head against the wall, closing his eyes.  
"Hey, sorry about your computer." _maybe there was a chance at friendship?_  
"Nah, you told me not to open it. I should've listened. It was my fault, don't worry." he looked his head over a bit, opening his eyes to look me over. "I'm dumb."  
I snorted a bit of a laugh. "You're not the one wearing bee pajamas."  
"Yeah, what's with those? And the tinted glasses. Why are you wearing those?"  
"Meh." I grunted, not really planning a response.  
"Meh?" he raised an eyebrow.  
"Meh."  
"Alright. Well, at least tell me why you were meandering around at four a.m."  
"Oh, yeah. Insomnia." I shrugged, worrying my bottom lip.  
"Okay. My idiotic fucking roommate keeps inviting his maniac clown boyfriend over, and having disgusting sloppy make outs. Half the time I'm being scarred, and the other half I'm terrified he might kill me. I've known the clown since elementary school and we were best friends for a while, but I don't know what happened. His clown love turned into an obsession, then he started dressing like an actual clown every day. It was strange, to say the least. Now, I think that makeup is permanent and I'm scared for my life." he finished with a bit of a smile-less laugh. "Funny, isn't it?"  
I kind of chuckled. "Yeah, high school really changes some people."  
"You can say that again."  
"Yeah, high school really changes some people."  
He slapped my chest. "Not literally you twat."  
I grinned. "Whatever."  
Kankri emerged from the office, defeated. "They were disrupting after lights-out. There has to be some sort of punishment."  
"There is no lights-out. This is a college." the dorm manager replied, sighing and shutting the door after Kankri. He must get this a lot.  
"Alright, I guess you're set to go," he folded his arms across his chest. Karkat flew up excitedly.  
"No punishment?"  
Kankri sighed, again. "No."  
I stood up too, smiling. "Wicked."  
"Wicked? Really?" Karkat teased, going up the stairs. I pushed his back, walking up behind him.  
"Yes, wicked. Its a thing." we got back onto our level, and I headed straight towards my room. My watch read **5:14** and I wanted to see if Aradia was awake. She probably was. Karkat paused outside his door, grabbing his pillow back and remembering who was inside.  
"If you need a place to crash for the next hour or two, you can have my bed," I offered. I wasn't going to use it, hope Eridan didn't mind. He shrugged.  
"Thanks." 

I had the left the door unlocked, so I slid in easily. Eridan was passed _out,_ one leg wrapped around the covers, hugging a pillow in his arms, his mouth hanging open and his hair like it had been blow dried. I smirked a bit, gesturing Karkat in. He clicked the door shut behind him and curled into my bed, pulling the covers over his head and scrunching into a ball smaller than what I thought was physically possible for the dude. I turned on my laptop and sure enough I had a notification from apocalypseArisen.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] at 4:45

AA: hey s0llux  
AA: jeez are we g0ing t0 play this game every m0rning  
AA: i kn0w y0ure awake  
AA: y0u kn0w i w0nt g0 t0 sleep until y0u d0  
AA: even then i w0nt heh  
AA: 0kay fine d0nt reply  
AA: im g0ing t0 tell y0u my st0ry anyways  
AA: s0 i was walking ar0und campus  
AA: wearing my t0rn night gown cause everything i 0wn is t0rn i w0nder why  
AA: i actually kn0w why that was sarcasm  
AA: anyway  
AA: s0 i was walking al0ng  
AA: and this crazy ass kid falls from 0ne of the trees  
AA: i was like what the heck and i walked 0ver t0 him  
AA: he was t0tally fine and he st00d and intr0duced himself as jake  
AA: he was dressed like a t0tal geek with khaki sh0rts and a dirty white shirt with a dumb skull 0n it  
AA: and funny st0ry he asked me if i was dead and a spirit 0r s0mething  
AA: ah i wanted t0 say yes s0 badly but i didnt i said n0 my names aradia bleh bleh bleh  
AA: and we b0th explained why we were 0ut here  
AA: he was 0ut there f0r adventure t00!!!  
AA: it was insane s0 n0w were friends and hes really nice and we were just chilling when i decided t0 text y0u t0 tell y0u  
AA: he says hi

TA: je2u2 okay that wa2 a long 2tory wa2 iit nece22ary two type iit iin 25 diiferent me22age2  
TA: he 2ound2 liike a cool guy aa 

AA: he is!!! 

TA: ii met an a22hole

AA: y0ure an assh0le

TA: ye2 ii know  
TA: ii thiink that2 why we get along 2o well  
TA: but anyway he2 2leepiing iin my bed riight now liike a liittle kiid  
TA: kiind of adorable actually

AA: arent y0u the hunk magnet  
AA: first the dreamy "well buiilt" r00mmate  
AA: i put well built in qu0tes cause thats h0w y0u say h0t  
AA: n0w the ad0rable assh0le sleeping in y0ur bed

TA: fuckiing hell aa ii dont want two bang my roommate  
TA: or the dude 2leepiing iin my bed for that matter 

AA: i d0nt kn0w its n0t like y0ure straight

TA: bii2exual doe2nt mean ii want two bang everyone of every gender 

AA: i kn0w i kn0w  
AA: but it d0es mean y0u bang wh0 y0u find attractive and want t0 bang  
AA: which fr0m what ive learned fr0m reading between the lines is y0ur r00mmate 

TA: ii do not want two  
TA: okay well 2hut up iit2 two early iin the morniing

AA: ha g0t y0u  
AA: y0u wanna bang him d0nt y0u  
AA: ha

TA: 2hut up.

Talking to Aradia tends to wear me out sometimes.  
I cast a glance over to Eridan, who was still sleeping in the same sloppy position. I did not want to bang him! No! It's just Aradia being a lunatic. He's my roommate, I don't feel like that towards him. It's not like he's totally hot with cheekbones that can slice bread.  
Oh my god, I am not thinking about this. I hardly know the guy! I need to focus. Stupid weird man hormones. I found something to study and put on my headphones, blaring music probably too loudly but not caring.

I tensed when I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning around to see Eridan mouthing something. I slid my headphones to my neck.  
"Hold on, what?"  
"I said, who's the one sleepin' in your bed? And hey, what's with the glasses?" he looked quizzically at me, and I was suddenly very aware that I had neglected to put in contacts or get ready. Shit.  
"Oh, he's my boyfriend. And I normally wear contacts." I bit my lip to hold in a chuckle when his eyebrows rose so high I thought they'd turn purple and become a part of his hair.  
"W-what?"  
"Dude, I'm just kidding, he's from down the hall and needed a place to stay while his roommate and their boyfriend fucked." I checked my watch, and it said 7, a little before Eridan's alarm but a little too late for the bathrooms to be empty. ugh. He nodded, dragging his feet and collapsing back into his bed. I groaned and grabbed my little magic bag with contact shit and other trash in it, heading to the bathroom.  
It wasn't nearly as packed as I had thought, which made me wonder how many boys were actually on this floor. There were a few boys doing, I don't know, normal bathroom stuff I guess. Like peeing and stuff. They weren't all peeing that'd be pretty weird. But I'm getting weird.  
I walked to the sink closest to the wall. I didn't think any of them was all too interested in paying attention to me either way, but I felt more comfortable distanced. I sped through the sequence of tasks, delighted when I finished in record time. All I had to do now was get dressed and fix my hair, which I definitely felt uncomfortable doing in the shared bathroom. I couldn't pinpoint why it felt so awkward, but standing there dolling up my hair felt very un-manly and wrong. How Eridan does his hair and gets his eyeliner done in here is a mystery. Gotta give the dude props for confidence.  
On the way back to my room, I saw Karkat moping down the hall, dragging the pillow behind him like a cave man with a club. "Hey, Captor, thanks for letting me use your bed," he grumbled, giving me a halfhearted pat on the shoulder. Damn was he short, his head only came to about my shoulder. I returned with a you're welcome, without stopping. I made it back into my room, falling backwards onto my bed.  
"Fuck, it's been a long morning," I mumbled, pressing the heel of my hands into my eyes.  
"Maybe it's because you're awake at like three every morning," Eridan supplied from somewhere else in the room.  
"Thanks Sherlock, I never would've fathomed that." I felt a foot come into contact with my shin. Rude.  
"You're an asshole."  
"So I've heard."  
"I'm off to the restroom. Don't do anything stupid." I shrugged, keeping my hands on my eyes. I heard the door swoosh door open and stay like that, because Eridan was a twat and for some reason liked the door open. It was bugging me that it was opened, but I was way too lazy to get up and do something about it, so I stayed where I was, just pretending the door was shut. We were going to have a talk about that. And about the mirror, I forgot to get a mirror. Shit. Maybe this is why Mituna always wore that dumb helmet; he just didn't want to use a shared bathroom. Nah, his hair was shit anyway, he just liked his dumb helmet. Dummy.  
I rolled off the bed and staggered to my feet, using the wall as a support to get to the door and push it shut. Regaining balance, I rooted through my drawers until I found my clothes. Wearing the same thing every day was great. I changed my pants and slid off the god awful yellow shirt, freezing when I heard the door swing open behind me. _please, let it just be Eridan._  
"Glad you're up." _thank christ._ I was relieved it was only him, but then I remembered I was frozen with my shirt still on my arms. _what the hell was i doing? I'm only shirtless. normal boys do this all the time. i'm a normal boy. ish._ I got my shit together and forced down a blush, pulling off the rest of my shirt and retrieving the clean one off my bed.  
"You know, you're not all that bad shirtless." I heard him say next to me. The blush that I did so well suppressing sprung back, coloring my cheeks red. I bit my lip and got my shirt on. _that is not a normal boy thing. no, not at all._  
"Thanks." I stumbled over tying my shoes, wishing my cheeks and ears would stop flaming.  
"Stop blushin', it was just a compliment," he chided, easing out of his own clothes and donning his oh-so fabulous ones. He actually bothered to vary his clothes slightly everyday, unlike me. I didn't really bother, unless I was going somewhere semi-important, which was not school.  
"Shut up. Ready to get coffee?" I stood up and brushed my hands on my jeans before cramming them in my pockets. He finished fixing his iconic scarf and yawned.  
"Yeah, I could use a coffee right now."  
Half-asleep boys stumbled through the hallway, clinging to the walls like starfish; others who were fully prepared gabbed with their friends on their way back to their room. The little cafe's crowd has thinned out by a large factor since the first day, and there was actually an abundance of free tables. I got my extravagant half-and-half, whereas Eridan got his boring drink-with-a-hella-long-hipster-name. We sat at a table, him with his legs crossed and back straight and whatnot, and I just kind of sat there, relaxed against the back, taking long sips of coffee. I guess we must've made quite the combination, sitting there as we were, with our contrasting apparel, expressions, and positions. Hm.  
"So, have you ever," I started, trying to think of something good, "had alcohol?"  
"What? No way," he replied, widening his eyes. "Why would I have had alcohol?"  
"ED, what do you mean? You're in college, why wouldn't you have had alcohol?"  
"First of all, I'm not even of age, so it's illegal. Second of all, what's so peachy about it? It makes you do dumb stuff and regret a lot of things. No thanks."  
"I have some in our room. You're having some tonight."  
"You have WHAT in our room?!"  
"Beer."  
"Sollux!" he never uses my full name. it's always just Sol. _oops_. "You're not of age either! What are you thinkin'?"  
"That it tastes good?"  
"No, fucktard. We need to get rid of that."  
"What better way to get rid of it than drinking it?" I asked, arching an eyebrow. He blushed slightly, trying to be angry but failing.  
"I'll have one can," he caved with a sigh, "that's it. Just one."  
 _the idiot doesn't know that since he's never had alcohol, he's going to get drunk very quickly.  
it's going to be a good night._


	4. Truth or Dare?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which eridan gets drunk :)

{s}

After school, the hours seemed to go by slower than normal. I was extremely ready for tonight. Being drunk always tended to bring out the core of someone's personality, and I was pumped to see Eridan's. But I had to work first, and wait until he got back from lit. Ugh.  
I was lying in my bed, lazily tossing a balled up pair of socks above my head and catching it, very cliche I know. Eridan was at his desk, humming some dumb tune and working. I caught the ball and sat up. Aiming it right at the back of his head, I let it fly. It had a perfect arc, landing directly on the crown of his skull and bouncing to the ground. I started laughing so hard there were tears in my eyes. I heard a, "Hey!" and he swirled his chair around, rubbing at the back of his head. That was so beautiful. "Thanks, Sol."  
I couldn't stop laughing like a maniac, taking deep breaths in between bouts of cackling. I wiped at my eyes and finally got my shit together, only to feel a something clothy hit my forehead. Opening my eyes, I saw Eridan turning quickly back to his computer and giggling. The little shit.  
"Is that a challenge, Ampora?" I asked, waiting for that dumb chair to spin so I could ace a shot to the noggin.  
"Is what a challenge?" he replied, not turning around, but I could feel his smirk. He's asking for it.  
"Turn around, I'll show you," I countered, biting my lip and trying to keep my aim steady.  
"So help me, if you hit me with that cod damn-" _bop!_ I landed my shot directly on his nose, shaking his glasses a bit. He stopped midsentence and gave me a glare. I chewed on my cheeks to hold in laughter. It was actually starting to frighten me how calm he was. Then, he checked the time on his phone and smirked. In one swift movement, my shoulders were pinned to the bed under me, and his breath was mingling with mine. _holy shit i don't want to die yet_ was the only thing running through my mind. He released my shoulders and started pinching and tickling my stomach, causing me to pull my knees to my chest and giggle like a little kid.  
"S-stop that!" I squeaked, clouded by snickers.  
"What's that, Sol? What are you laughin' at? What's so funny?"  
"You're tick-tickling me you asshole!"  
He chuckled a bit and stopped. I unfurled from my ball and stretched out my legs, panting. I was in the midst of cursing him and pushing my hair out of my face when he pinned me back down again. "What, you thought I'd let you get off that easy?"  
 _oh, shit._  
I balled the sheets into my palms, mentally punching myself for somehow being so submissive. This was not supposed to happen. I am not supposed to be pinned to the bed on the fifth day of knowing someone. He brought his knee to my groin, rubbing it in. I yelped slightly at the contact. _oh my god, what was that noise?_  
"Jesus," I groaned, trying to formulate some sentence along the lines of, "I only hit you in the head with my socks, why are you causing me sexual frustration" but only actually verbalizing "Jesus." I squirmed beneath his hands, but fuck he had gravity and years of dance on his side, what did I have, muscle from typing? He wiggled his knee around, basically massaging me through my pants with his fucking knee. Again, the only sound I could make was a very un-manly yelp and "fuck." He stopped abruptly, standing up fully and returning to his desk. I gasped and sat up to, fucking up my hair even more. "What are you doing?"  
He pulled his dance stuff together and pocketed his phone without answering my question. "Oh, I have to go to dance. Later, Sol."  
"What the fuck? No, no, you get back here. You can't just-"  
"I'm going to be late. See you tonight." I could've sworn he gave me a wink and then vanished into the hallway. _damn you, Ampora, damn you to hell._  
Now I had to deal with a bunch of people's issues with an uncomfortable boner. Wonderful. Again, fuck you Ampora, fucking tease. I pushed myself up from the bed and to my desk, grumbling. I had five minutes before work started. **FIVE. MINUTES.** _I am so going to make him pay for this tonight._  
I began plotting what evil things I'd do with a drunk Eridan. So, so many things. The little asshole was going to pay, that was a fact. I hoped that I could wait my, um, issue out and it wouldn't take too long to dispel itself. If I got blue balls, so help me, I might kill him, but I had work to do. Ugh.  
Shifting to try to get comfortable, I got everything started and took my first call. Boring, boring, you're an idiot, why would you even hit that button, boring, no you fucktard, they taught this in second grade, boring. I hate my job.

My shift finally ended, thank the gods. I shut everything down and slumped back in my chair, tired, but overly excited to make my roommate drink his own piss. Among other things, of course.  
Speak of the devil, Eridan strode into our room., looking worn out.  
"Hey, Sol," he sighed, throwing his bag onto the bed and then following it.  
"Don't you have lit to go to?" I asked. I wasn't done planning yet, so he better say yes.  
"Yeah, but only a half-class. The other half is gonna be on Sunday, so I'll be back early." _perfect._  
"Alrighty." I smiled politely. He rolled over and gave me a quizzical look.  
"What are you smilin' about?"  
"What? Nothing." I turned around, my grin shifting to a smirk.  
"Come on Sol, what are you on about?"  
"Go to class."  
"If you think I won't force it outta you later, you're wrong," he called from the doorway. I giggled.  
"Mhm, okay, bye ED." _he has no idea. probably forgot. what an idiot. this is going to be such a great night._

I grabbed my bag of tricks and went to the showers. There was only one other dude in there, with long black hair and a cracked pair of shades. He was so burly I thought he might burst out of his tank top or something. It was kind of concerning, but he didn't. He just kind of flexed his muscles a bit and drank out of an unlabeled, metal thermos. Okay. I stepped into one of the dingy showers and yanked the curtain back. The shower itself was still fairly clean, which was kind of surprising, because the state of the rest of the bathroom screams filth and use. I showered slowly, taking my sweet ass time because I could.  
I finally got out and put on my pajamas, the bee ones. They're not that bad, I guess, and they're comfortable. So stop me. I took out my contacts and replaced them with my glasses, then headed back to my room. If ED originally gets home at 10:30, but the class is shorter by half, then he'll be back by 10. cool. It was 9:50 now, so I guess not that cool.  
I dug out the six pack I had beneath my bed. I always knew I'd need this. By now, my plans were fully planned, I just needed Eridan. I accounted for all of his actions, because he's kind of predictable when you think about it.  
I got settled on the floor and waited. This was going to be so much fun.

After playing on my phone for about ten years, Eridan stumbled into the room with dripping hair and striped pajamas. Finally. I pocketed my phone and waited for him to put his junk wherever he puts it. "Come have a seat."  
"Oh my cod, you weren't kiddin' about the alcohol? Jesus, okay," he grumbled, sitting in front of me. "Alright, where do I begin?"  
I tossed him a can. "Bottoms up, and the devil laughs."  
He gave me a glare but took a big sip nonetheless. Automatically, his face pinched up and he about gagged. "That stuff is fuckin' nasty!"  
I helped myself to my own can and took a gulp. "You get used to it."  
He puckered but took another drink of it. "Alright, whatever. i can't believe I'm doin' this."  
"It's not that bad. This is college." The alcohol should kick in soon; his cheeks were already starting to flush. He took another sip and hiccuped, looking surprised.  
"Is that supposed to happen?" he put a hand on his chest. I nodded.  
"Yep. It means it's working." I put my can down and watched him take another huge gulp. He got used to it _fast._ I put my can down and sat back. It was only a matter of time.

Eridan slammed his can down. "That shit tastes aw-wful. And I can't ev-ven think straight. I mean, like, w-what w-was the point of this?"  
 _bingo._ "I don't know."  
"Oh, okay." he popped open another can. I have to admit, I was kind of in awe. This couldn't be the kid's first drink, he was way too fine with it. Hm. "W-well, did ya wanna ask me somefin?"  
"Sure. When was your first kiss? And with who?"  
"W-wow, that's like a second grade question. Real creative. Hm, w-well I think it was Fef, actually. Yeah, in like fourth grade or w-whatever."  
 _I totally called that._ "Okay, do you have the hots for FF?"  
He blushed more than the alcohol made him. "W-well yeah, kinda, but I'm never reelly gonna get her so I've kinda moved on."  
"Alright, do you have the hots for me?" I quirked an eyebrow, watching him sputter a bit.  
"Cod, yeah, you're like, fuckin' hot." _i did not plan for this i did not plan for this i did not plan for this_  
  
why is he so unashamed? i dont get it! it couldnt be the alcohol. he wasnt drunk already, no. no one's body works that fast.  
"Oh," I said shortly, trying to formulate a solid sentence other than "i did not plan for this".  
"It's okay, man, but you need so answer some questions, too. This just isn't fair."  
"Ask away." I was sober and he was getting drunk, either way I win.  
"Who w-was your first kiss?"  
"Hold on, let me think," I hardly had ever been kissed, but a little but of drama never hurt anyone, "I think it was some chick in like third grade."  
"Great answer."  
"Thanks. So, what about the-"  
"W-we can't just sit here and ask each other borin' questions. Wanna play truth or dare?" _i was starting to get concerned that i wasn't all that good at predictions, but obviously i am._  
"Sure. Truth or dare?" _and he picks truth._  
"Um, truth." _someone should pay me._  
"Alright, what's the farthest you've gone with someone?" I took another sip of my can, which was still my first.  
"Sorta second base, but only like, sort of," he drawled, holding the can by the top and swinging it hazily. "Truth, or dare?"  
"Truth."  
"W-why are your glasses all colored an w-weird?" he half-heartedly gestured to my glasses.  
"I like 'em like that," I answered, pushing them further up the bridge of my nose. "Truth or dare?"  
"Hmm, dare," he said with a lazy grin.  
"Alright, I dare you to," I considered this for a second. There was a spectrum of things I could do to him, ranging from "use your scarf as a lasso and pretend to ride a horse around the room, trying to round up cattle" to "suck my dick." Oh, the evils. I went with the former. "I dare you to use your scarf as a lasso and pretend to ride a horse around the room, trying to round up cattle."  
"Dude, what the fuck kind of dare is that?" he giggled, but stood up anyway. He crossed his arms and tugged his shirt over his head, swinging it in fast circles.  
"YEE-HAW!" he yelled, galloping in circles. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOIN, BESSIE!"

I belted out laughter, holding my gut and about to cry. He continued to lap the room, with several cattle calls and 'yee-haws'. "Eridan, you can stop now," I panted through peals of giggles.  
Eridan slowed, collapsing to the ground with another deep swig of beer. "That has to have been the strangest thing I've ever done."  
"I'd be concerned if it wasn't."  
"Shut your trap. Truth or dare."  
"Truth." I sat back, watching him slump into the palm of his hand, thinking.  
"A'right, w-well, since it's only fair," he started. _he's going to ask-_ "do you got the hots for me too?"  
 _yep. he was going to ask that._  
"Well, you see," I paused, making certain to word it right, "I wouldn't complain if we fucked."  
He made an overdramatic " _hm_ " sound and raised an eyebrow. "Noted."  
I gave him my best sly smile in return. "Whatever. Truth or dare?"  
"I think I'm gonna go w-with dare, again."  
"Alright, well, I dare you to piss in a bottle." his eyes widened, then morphed to give me an annoyed look.  
"You're kiddin'." I continued to stare back at him, holding a grin. "Sol! That's disgustin'!"  
"It's a dare," I replied.  
"I can't believe you. Where am I even gonna get a bottle?"  
I reached beneath the bed again, drawing out a two liter empty soda bottle with a faded label, that used to read Faygo. "Funny you ask."  
Another dull look. "You're a little snot, you know that?" He took the outstretched bottle with a sigh, and a hiccup. "Turn around."  
Doing as he said, I swiveled to face the closed window, still grinning. Dumbass. The room was filled with the disturbing, fizzy sound of someone peeing, then the even more disturbing sound of it filling the bottle. The sounds accompanied the growing, thick stench of urine, and it was almost enough to make me regret my dare. Almost, but not quite. It was going to be worth it in the long run. 

"Alright, weirdo, you can turn back around," Eridan grumbled, folding his long legs back into a criss-crossed sitting position, the half filled two liter in his lap. "And this is fuckin' warm, I don't w-want it."  
He slid the bottle across the floor to me, who responded with: "Ew, nasty, we'll just keep it in the center."  
So, there we were, sitting around a bottle of piss like it was a campfire, and asking each other truth or dare. The game continued, mainly uneventful, just cheesy dares like open the blinds and moon whoever is watching, and boring truths like what's the biggest kink you're willing to share. Eridan kept drinking, he was up to four cans when I drew the line. I mean, he didn't drink slow by any means, it was like he was a skeleton and it was just pouring over bones with nothing stopping it. The thought that I had just made my roommate an alcoholic did occur to me, but I pushed it away. No way would he do that, he's a dancer. he cares too much about what he puts into his body. And thus, we continued our silly game, til I rendered him drunk enough to get more serious. Eheh. 

"Truth or dare?" I asked, taking the first sip of my second can.  
"Dare," he replied, flopping his now dry, but still messy, hair from his face.  
"Drink it." I pushed the bottle towards him with my toe. He pulled his hands back, above his head.  
"No, no way. No way in _hell._ " he shook his head vigorously. I nodded. It wouldn't take that much convincing to get him to, I knew it.  
"ED, it's a dare. Do it." I prodded the bottle further.  
"Fuck, Sol, I-I'm gonna do it. Only a lil bit, though, okay?" He grimaced, taking the bottle in both hands and gripping it tightly. I chuckled, biting my lip to refrain from full-on laughing. When the cap came untwisted, it released a loud popping and hissing sound, like the carbonated drink that used to fill the bottle. The smell -oh, god, the _smell_ \- was horrendous, and it consumed the whole room. It reeked of staleness, and mustiness, and just thickness in general, mixed with the choking stench of urine. We both gagged, covering our mouths. He hurriedly closed the bottle. "I don't think I can do this."  
"You have to!" I replied, pinching my nose. "Do it!"  
"Ew. This is nasty, and it shan't be spoken of, ever, _ever,_ again." Eridan swallowed hard, cracking open the bottle again. I kept my nose pinched shut tightly, my smirk transforming into more of a grimace as well. He dropped the cap and used his freed hand to close his own nose. Shooting me another glare, he put the bottle to his lips and tipped it back. He took a long sip, making a disgusted face but downing it. After the first sip, for some reason, he continued chugging it, gulping down mouthfuls of piss. The bottle was nearing empty when he slammed it to the floor, breathing hard and wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. My mouth fell open. My roommate just drank about a whole liter of his own pee, which was making me realize how full my own bladder was getting. I was sitting on the fence between repulsed and impressed. And slightly turned on.  
"Eridan! What the fuck?"  
He replied with a shrug. "I drank pee."  
"No shit, sherlock. Great deductive skills."  
"Truth or dare?"  
"That's it? You're only going to say, 'I drank pee', and move on?"  
"W-whale, yeah. Truth or dare?"  
"Dare, I suppose, what could be worse than that?" I laid back on my elbows, still kind of in shock, yet still a little bit turned on, for whatever reason.  
"I dare you to kiss me." he smiled, licking his lips.  
"Dude, you just drank a liter of piss. If you think I'm going to kiss you, you're dead wrong."  
"C'mon, Sol, I drank pee for you. I deserve some payback."  
"I'll kiss your cheek," I offered.  
"Hm, nah." he gave me a rather mischievous grin, which may or may not have made me a bit more turned on.  
"I'm not kissing your lips, that's for damn sure." I hunched back off my elbows, planting them instead on my folded knees.  
"Alright, then," he cocked his head to one side, tracing a thin finger along his throat. "How about neck?"  
I rolled my eyes, but leaned forward and tested the indicated area with my tongue, before closing my lips around it and giving it a pretty solid kiss, not to toot my own proverbial horn or anything. He grumbled softly when I pulled away and sat back. "Happy?"  
"Meh," he shrugged, but gave me a teasing wink. Yeah, the whole neck-kissing thing was definitely not helping what would soon become a hard-on.  
"Truth or dare?" I asked, recrossing my legs.  
"Truth."  
"Why did you drink the whole fucking bottle of piss?"  
He snickered, looking down with a blush. "This is gonna sound reelly f-fuckin' weird, alright. It, uh, I just kinda liked it. In like, a kinky w-way."  
Okay, so I'm not the only one who got a wee (pun intended) bit turned on by the display. At least I didn't get turned on enough to drink a liter of my own stale urine.   
"Whatever, man." I sipped my beer can, finishing it off.   
"Truth or dare?" a yawn punctuated the end of his question.  
"Truth, I guess."   
"Did you like it? In that kinda w-way?"  
"No!" not in a noticeable amount, anyway. "It was funny as hell, but no."  
what, did you expect me to be honest about thinking dirty thoughts as my roommate drank a bottle of his own pee? the answer is no, i was not going to be honest about it.  
"Dude, I'm so fuckin' tired, we should go to bed," his voice wavered slightly, making it quite evident he was exhausted. And it was nearly two in the morning, so that was probably a contributing factor. Or maybe the alcohol. There was an abundance of contributing factors.  
"Sounds like a plan." I stretched out my arms with a yawn and hoisted myself into my bed. Wow, I did not remember it being so soft. Cause, damn. I tucked myself in close to the wall, yawning again. Before my eyes could fall shut, I felt another body very unceremoniously climb into my bed. The ancient mattress trembled and complained to the weight. Eridan, because who else would it be, cuddled in closer to me and draped his hella long arm across my body and nestled his chin into the corner of my neck. His body basically cradled mine, and it made me feel awfully small compared to him, although we were nearing the same height. Fuck, did he reek of alcohol, but in no way was I complaining, not with his very warm figure against me. Nope.  
This wasn't helping my hard-on either.  
"G'night Sol," he slurred, nuzzling me.  
"Night, ED." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowie zowie this was a blast to write.


	5. hungover assholes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> assholes, but hungover.  
> even better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aye   
> this is mainly just an empty chapter sorry.   
> also sorry for not updating in around thirteen years. i would promise to be better and do regular updates but i know im incapable of doing that so ill just promise to update soon and not thirteen years every time.   
> unrelated topic: im always in the market for a beta so hmu if you have no time on your hands and a love for gay sex

{s}

I woke up to the feel of something heavy lying on me.  
It was my roommate.

I wriggled my way somewhat out, enough to actually start to regain feeling in my arm. Eridan slumped like a dead body into the cavity I left, mouth gaping open and glasses bent at such an odd angle on his face it concerned me. Sliding them off, I folded the legs together and passed them off to the nightstand.  
Now to get my legs out. And that was going to be hard, because Eridan's center of mass was literally crushing them and I did not want to wake him up. I carefully extracted one lanky leg from beneath him, folding it awkwardly close to my chest. Once I got the other leg free, I was scrunched in a rather tight ball blocked by my sleeping roommate on one side and the wall on the other.  
I have made mistakes.  
A boy who is 5 feet of leg and 8 inches of torso should not be tucked into a ball. His legs will not fit. This is not right.

At this point, I knew I could not get out without awakening the beast. I couldn't even try. I was going to die there.  
But I tried anyways. By clinging to the wall and standing, I somewhat made the situation somewhat better. Or worse, depending on how you looked at it.

  
Carefully, _painfully carefully,_ I stepped over Eridan to the other side of the bed. However, I failed to account for the fact that we were on a TWIN BED. _There was not room for me to step over him._ When my foot touched the edge, it immediately lost any traction it had on the sheets and sent me spilling over him. I tried to brace my arms so they hit first and collided with our floor, feet jumping up after me. Eridan's still-limp body slid right off in my wake and landed half on me and half on the ground, both ways with a loud thump.

  
I was really screwed now. Dead meat, really. He woke up with a yelp, struggling to untangle himself from my long legs. "W-wha--? Where the fuck am I?"

  
He thrashed, making it really difficult to yank my legs from the mess. After I did, I somehow made it close enough to get my hands on his shoulders. "Relax. Relax. Chill the fuck out."

  
Widening his eyes, he sat with his legs like a W and looked up at me like a child.  
"Sol," he said shortly, voice unbelievably rough. "Where am I?"  
"In the dorm." he made a high pitched whine in response, dropping his head into my chest.  
"My head hurtss," he groaned into me. I just nodded in return, because whether it was from the fall or from the cans of beer, my own head was pounding. "Why am I on the floor?"  
That's a question I really had hoped he wasn't going to ask. "Uh... You fell out of bed." It was only a half lie, at least.  
"Right, yeah, I did." _haha sucker_ "But why was I in your bed?"  
_goddammit._ "You-- no, I --there was a, a... a big ass spider in yours."  
"Ohh, mhmm." He nodded like he remembered this occurring.  
"Yeah." I tried to start standing, cause I _really wanted some coffee,_ but Eridan held onto the front of my shirt for a second.  
"That was really nice a you, Sol."  
"Yeah. Thanks." I made an attempt to stand again, but it became evident that, being his first hangover, Eridan was not budging on his own. He continued blathering about how kind I am and how he completely misjudged me as a roommate (I was a little bit offended by that, really. Me? A bad roommate?) as I wrapped my arms around his torso and _attempted_ to lift him up the 12 inches to the bed.  
I failed, let me just get that out there. If we're keeping a tally of poor ideas with poorer execution, this makes three since I woke up.

That dude was 100% muscle, and muscle is heavy. I capsized with him at least against the bed, not quite on it but not quite on me either. I sat back on the floor, out of breath. Surprisingly, he didn't try and kill me, he just looked at me with a very, very puzzled expression.  
"What was that for?"  
"Don't worry about it."  
He started to argue, then shrugged and decided he didn't have the energy. "Mkay." I stood up completely, wobbling a bit, but I was standing and that's what mattered. I announced, "I'm going to go get sixteen cups of coffee." and made my way to the door.  
"Make that a hundred."

I rubbed my face, yawning as I walked out. Without worrying over Eridan, it took me but a second to realize that A.) I couldn't see, B.) colors were fucked up, and C.) it was because I didn't have my glasses on. Great. No, that was fine.  
Turning right back around, I went back into my room and snatched the glasses off the nightstand where they were left. Eridan looked up at me. "Coffee?"  
"I was gone for twelve seconds."  
He made a quiet _huh_ as if he hadn't realized this, and I left again, walking down the hall feeling no more refreshed, but I could see and I was still walking. So, that's like three things. 

The cafe was packed, with at least a handful of kids who were also terribly hung over, and one who was clearly still drunk. He rested against the counter with his very tired friend, who rather rested his whole top half on the counter.  
This was going to take longer than I had hoped.  
Especially now that the drunk friend was holding up the hungover, exhausted friend like a puppet and controlling his movements.  
I hate college, I hate it. Wow. I hate college. I hate every single asshole in this cafe at fucking eleven in the fucking morning.

After no short amount of time, I reached the counter. Figuring we both needed the boost, I ordered four blacks with at least three shots of espresso in each. I was given a strange look by the barista and I considered flicking her off, but I remembered I woke up not half an hour ago, and therefore had $0 with me.  
I smiled sheepishly. Charming. "Uh-- I don't exactly have a proper payment method."  
"Are you kidding me?"  
I wish. "No, miss, but if you give me a minute I'll run up and get my cash."  
She sighed and waved for me to go. Full on sprinting, I flew to the first stair and promptly face-planted into the staircase.  
_Fuck._  
I stood and apologized to the people trying to get downstairs, then continued to cling to the railing and flop my way upstairs . Eridan was asleep when I burst in, so I snatched the loose cash in one of my drawers and stumbled downstairs.

The barista looked at me and held her hand out expectantly. I had zero breath and let the counter support me as I desperately found some.  
"Sir?"  
I picked my head up. "What."  
"You just handed me $16 in singles."  
"Wha- yes, I did."  
"Your order comes to $11 in total."  
I gladly took the cardboard carrier of coffee and my 5 singles back, nodded to her, then very carefully went up the stairs.  
Eridan was still taking his nap, slumped against the frame of my bed. I sat in front of him and put down the coffee. "Hey. Coffee."  
No reaction from the ass.  
I jabbed his cheek, poking various parts of his face and then his ear, which definitely stirred a reaction.  
He shot up straight as if shocked, and he then looked around for a source, eyes narrowing on me. I held my hand very close to my chest.  
_I am very scared of this guy I just wanted to give him coffee and shit now this I'm sorry I didn't ask for this_  
"Why did you touch me?" he growled.  
_ohhhh my god_ "Coffee's here?"  
"Jeez. Just say my name next time."

I forced a nod and held up a cup of coffee as a peace offering. "Sorry."

He took the extended cup from me and drank for a solid thirty seconds, then sighed. "I think I hate you." 

"I don't think I blame you."

* * *

Everyone says that the only cure for a hangover is a lot of water and rest, but after their third round of coffee, both of them were just about as amicable as assholes can be. They were both sitting on their respective beds, backs against the wall, tossing the aforementioned ball of socks between each other. 

"Why do I feel like there's homework to be done?" Eridan asked, tossing the ball.

"There probably is," Sollux replied and tossed it back.

"Huh." 

A moment passed before Eridan added, "Were you ever gonna drink those beers?"

"Doubtful."

"So last night?"

"Spur of the moment. Couldn't back out once I said it."

"Ah."

Instead of landing in Eridan's cupped hands, the makeshift ball hit the edge of the bed and fell to the floor. They both stared at it, as if confused how something like this could happen.

"I think I should get a job here."

"I think you should get the socks." 

"I think they're hiring at the bowling alley."

"The socks remain on the floor."

"I think I'll swing by today and get an application."

"You smell like booze and coffee with a twinge a' vomit."

"I think I only have to get a piece of paper and fill it out."

"The socks."

"They're closer to you."

"I'm probably more hungover than you."

With a sigh, Sollux reached down and peeled the socks off his own feet, bunching them up and tossing it. Eridan swatted that nasty piece of shit away. 

" _Clean_ socks! Get the _clean_ socks!"

"I'm going to go shower, now. Then hit the bowling alley."

 


End file.
